"Life never pleases you, this is how you execute it"

-Syaimaa' Ahmad

It's already a new day here in Cairo.

Thanks for the earliest birthday wish from Kautsar. TQ for always being the first one to wish me.. Dayah, am, bib, hanim.. n my smkaa-ian friends came next.. TQ for the everlasting ukhwah. TQ for ur efforts tho i got no FB wall to comment on anymore ;(

this is going to be long and tiresome,but i got something to say please read itALL or leave it now. ;)

First and foremost, alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah and alhamdulillah.. Praises to Allah. today 0001 30th may... I'm still here. Allahumma solli ala Muhammad pbuh, for his hardship I'm born muslim.

Thank You Mama for delivering me into this wonderful earth, Thank You Baba for raising me up till I'm decent 20.. I'm now a youth, insyaAllah.. will uphold your values. Thank You Salman, Salwani, Syuhaida, Syifaa' because of you guys.. I'm a sister with proud and honor. For making me a 'Kaklong'. a big proud kaklong.

I'm a bit emotional tonight. By this line, you probably clicked close already. boring I know. ;p

I think it's never to late to be grateful with what you had today.

Turning 20, i realised, how I am a lacking daughter, family, friend, course mate. Everything. Despite this, I still got a whole bunch of rapport system behind my back. To console me, to comfort me.. even at times when i cried secretly behind my pillows. No one promised you a better life, but Allah says HE is always closer than your veins.

Even at times I can be a total selfish jerk, yet there's always someone who came and literally beg for my forgiveness. I'd like to give you my deepest most sincere apologies.. sorry for everything. It's not fair. Because it's always my bad. Yes, people can hurt you, but I will always, always, remember that I hurt others too.

I am a glass. So true. Fragile.Once broken.. I hurt someone else. I'm broke, but you're cut. Sorry.

I guess after all, I never deserve the whole blessing that I got in the form of friends. I'm mean. I'm evil. But thank you for being one of my support system. I'm grateful. Grateful enough that i don't have words to give meaning to it.

Today is 30th may.

FB was once a big help when it comes to remembering one's birthday. Mine is now gone. It has a different feeling to it, when someone make an effort to send you a message on your phone at 0001. TQ. or people calling you from Mansoura to wish you. TQ or those who stayed in the kitchen helping me baking cake when exams is next week. TQ

I always believe in "you don't get what you don't give" but i got it today. Sorry again. I'm a big time loser when it comes to dates and numbers. But you never forget. TQ. If you said it tomorrow or the day but not today.. the feeling is different. But today. It's called gratefulness. Today when you said Happy Birthday I'm grateful.

It has a different feeling to it. I swear I dropped tears.

Today is 30th may.

I cried 26th may. and I cried again today. But it has a different feeling to it. Today I got my answers. I no longer wait. Today God has answered one from thousands of my prayers. Today He showed me true friendship and love. I no longer anticipate. The one I'm waiting, the one I'm holding on to, the one I said, "God, I wish to wait", yes, the one.. I let lose on 30th may. My heart is torn, but I'm more than happy. I'm ecstatic.

Because I'm turning 20. Looking back to what i've said and done.. I'm still a plain Syaimaa' Ahmad who waits for the rain to fall and stay for rainbows. It's over.

I want to soar. I want to go. I wish to erase everything and start a new. To be muslimah, mukminah solehah, I have to let go and delete everything. I wish to turn and never look back.

I once asked you to delete and defrag.. today is my lucky day. Would you do it as a favour for me?

delete.and.defrag.

Today is 30th May.

I never waits for a wish to drop by. I hope for a doa.. silent prayers from someone who cares enough to call me a friend. If you care enough you'll remember. I'm satisfied with just two words.

It sounds like a threat. But I'll see. and He knows..

because tomorrow is 31st May.. it's someone's else Big day.. but not today.. today is my day. Pray longer.

Today is 30th May.

I'm turning 20. It might be my last birthday. We never know. But I wish to live longer. I got a mission. But if today is my last Big day, I wish for everyone to let go their grunge off me. That would be a nice gift for me.

Today is 30th May.

And 6th June is Examination Day. If you read this up to this point then I'd say Thank You. It's 30th May. And it suxs to read someone's rambling about her life in here. But it's 30th may.. and it' my birthday, I'm thankful you care enough to read it now and here. It shows that I'm somewhere in your heart. as a friend. a family. a part from my rapport system. I'm there. TQ. It's a waste of time to read something which anatomy is by far the most important stuff in life, but today is 30th May. and you read this today. My Birthday.

Today is 30th May.

If no one reads this, I'm okay. Because today is 30th May. No one marks their calender for today. It's not Mother's Day. It's not Independence's Day. It's just a birthday. My birthday. Someone's turning 20 today. Someone's approaching death today. It's nothing.

but someone is reading it today. TQ. It puts smile on me. TQ. I'm happy. TQ.

Because every blessings come in disguise. I have to embrace everything.

Today is 30th May

I'm 20. This year. It's all about appreciation. I appreciate you. Yes you. The one reading this now. I

only after the heavy rain and sun you'll get to see...

rainbows.

Happy Birthday Syaimaa' Ahmad.